hiddenblessing

Finding one small blessing each day.

vegas lights September 4, 2012

Filed under: Inspiration,Signs,Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 7:11 pm
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I have talked at length in various posts about my thoughts on signs.  I truly believe the universe tries to send us little reminders and pointers for steps we need to take, or directions for which we need to go to get ourselves back on our own paths again. And sometimes, if we are particularly dense right then, the universe rolls its collective eyes and busts out a giant Vegas-style flashing sign that says “SERIOUSLY.  I MEANT IT THE FIRST TIME.  TURN HERE.”

That’s what happened to me the other night.  I have been in the midst of this career conundrum.  I am perfectly content where I’m at, and it’s a good job, for a good company.  I deeply miss where I used to be, though, because I felt significantly more valued and important in my previous position at my previous company.  It’s hard to lose that, even when you knew it was the price you were paying to change.  The benefit of moving to the new company was the best ever – I got to be home significantly more with Baby L.  Period.  That was the deciding factor, and I LEAPT at the opportunity.  I don’t regret it, and would choose, repeatedly, the same choice over and over and over again.

And yet.

I miss my old responsibility.  I miss the self-worth it brought, and the confidence I had in my own abilities.  I can feel my skill set fading away like rubbing acetone on a varnished table.  I am simply not challenged anymore, and while I can find things that temporarily allow me to feel alive again, for the majority of the time, I’m just… bored.  It’s like staring at a blank canvas all day – and your only job is to watch it.  You used to have the paints and brushes it took to color it, but you changed galleries and in this new shop, you’re not the artist any longer.  Your job is just to ensure its safety.  It already has a few talented artists, and they aren’t interested in adding any more displays.

So here I sit.  And I contemplate – just SHUT UP ALREADY and enjoy the fact that it’s good and easy and you get to be home with Baby L more.  Or find something new, that might be more challenging and you might be happier at, but will be full-time.  This option, which really isn’t an option at all, makes me feel like a failure.  Or option C, which would be to find a way to keep the current position but somehow either light a fire under it again, or find a way to  spend more time doing what I love.

Back to the Vegas-style signs, the other night I lay in bed, skimming through various WordPress posts, and I suddenly began to notice a theme to a significant number of the posts.  Posts like this:

http://primakarenrambles.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/passion-in-your-career/

http://becomeahuman.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/inspired/

It truly seemed that all the posts were pointing me towards the obvious: do what you love.  Post after post about making choices, taking risks, finding what truly makes you happy.  Do what honors who you are, because there is only one you, and only one lifetime to be you.

It made me smile because sometimes, I think I just need the universe to kick me in the behind and tell me to get moving.  Quit sitting around thinking about it, quit contemplating and what-if’ing and just do.   I can think and ponder and weigh all the pros and cons, but in the end, if I don’t actually do anything, all the thinking and pondering was just a giant waste of time.   I know the answer deep inside myself, and I’ve always known it.  I just have to trust that it won’t let me down, and that, my friends, can be the hardest part of all.

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Don’t Stop Believing May 11, 2011

Filed under: Signs — hiddenblessing @ 10:24 pm
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Most of you know that my inspiration behind this blog was little Ronan and his amazingly inspiring mom and their fight against neuroblastoma. Ronan lost his fight this week, and although I don’t even know this little guy, my heart broke for Ronan’s mom and their family. She writes beautifully, and she touches her readers… you couldn’t help but be sucked into her story. I hope that someday when she finds the strength again, she’ll publish her story in it’s entirety, but for the moment, she’s still astonishing her readers with her insight and grace as she gets through these days.

Mostly what I wanted to tell you about, though, was that she posted today that she has heard the song “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey repeatedly since little Ronan died earlier this week. She believes that this is a little sign from her boy, to never stop believing in him. And I believe in her. What’s really interesting about all of this is that strangely enough, I too heard the song on my way home from work the night that she posted that he was gone (I hadn’t seen the post yet). I don’t know what made me pay attention to it, but I did, and my thoughts drifted somewhere along the lines of the fact that it was a Journey song and just the other week my Marvelous Nikki was going to sell a Journey t-shirt at our garage sale. Minor, mindless thoughts, but I thought about it enough that I remember it.

So then Ronan’s mom posts about how she’s hearing this song everywhere, and a few of her blog readers have posted the same thing in their comments to her. And then tonight, James on American Idol sings… you guessed it… Don’t Stop Believing. All I could do was smile — little Ronan! — and think about the thousands of people his story has touched (literally). And then think about what I was saying in my last post about all the funny little coincidences, signs and gentle nudgings that the universe sends our way… this week has just been insanely full of them.

So my friends – tonight I want to leave you with this message that I really believe comes from somewhere other than where you and I are today…. don’t stop believing. Don’t stop believing in messages, in signs, in dreams… in hope, in inspiration, in a new start. In the ability to conquer unbeatable odds, in the ability to change the world around you. Don’t stop believing in the power of love and laughter and faith. There is a beautiful day waiting for us tomorrow.

Peace and blessings and love to you tonight. And if you have a little extra room in your prayers tonight, please pray for little Ronan to fly high with the angels and for his family to be at peace. Goodnight!

 

Following the right path May 9, 2011

Filed under: Signs — hiddenblessing @ 7:17 pm
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This Way
Picture found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/potteryandeverythingelse/

******

Have you ever noticed how once you hear a new word or learn of a new concept all of a sudden you hear it everywhere? Supposedly it was there all along, you just didn’t notice it. Because you hadn’t noticed it, you effectively cancelled it out or skimmed over it as though it was never there. But really, it was. You were just blind to it.

I don’t really know if I think that that’s true. I think sometimes you find yourself noticing something for a very particular reason. Maybe your angels are “nudging” you to see something, or maybe this something, whatever it is, is an important part of your future. Regardless of which it is, lately it seems like the stars have just aligned and then universe is throwing a giant, blinking “THIS WAY” arrow at me.

I stopped by to wish my mother-in-law a happy Mother’s Day yesterday, and we talked a bit about books. She and I tend to have the same tastes in our non-fiction books, and it’s always so nice to have someone to relate to when I’m interested in a particular subject. She told me about two new books she had read, which were about … bear with me here… cells and how our beliefs and thought processes can physically affect our bodies, by affecting our very cells.

I believe this could be true. I do believe, for certain, that sometimes when someone is dying, they have the ability to hold on – or let go – as they choose to. My great aunt, for example, had asked me to come be with her one March day many years ago. She told me that I was the last one she had to talk to; that she had had a chance to speak to everyone else alone, and I was her last. She told me that she knew she was dying and that she wasn’t afraid. That I shouldn’t cry, that she was at peace with this. She died that night. I think it was a choice; she had made her peace and said her goodbyes… she was ready to transition into her next adventure. And if we humans have the ability to do that, sometimes, why shouldn’t we have the ability to make other changes in our body? To will ourselves to live, to will ourselves healthy… or to bring illness upon ourselves if we believe firmly enough that it is so?

But I digress. What I was amazed about was that today while at lunch, I sat reading my college-level Biology book that I bought in preparation for my upcoming classes… and there, in black and white in MY BOOK was a statement that very closely mirrored that which my mother in law had just presented to me the day before. It was talking about how while it is hard to imagine that animals (including us) at their very smallest are made up of molecules and then cells… even the fact that we have thoughts about them at all is actually just the process of molecules moving from one cell to the next. I can’t help but tie that back to what my mother in law and I talked about yesterday… and what I really think is, is that the fact that we’re discussing it at the same time I’m finding it in my textbooks… just tells me that I really am headed in the right direction. I think that there is a bigger purpose behind everything, and I think that sometimes the coincidences happen as a reminder from the universe that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to.

I also had something else really neat happen today. Last night I dreamt of my friend L, who I have been friends with my entire life. Literally. We lived across the street from each other as toddlers and when we were in elementary school she moved away, but that didn’t change much for us. We haven’t seen each other in ten years and we haven’t actually haven’t contacted each other since last July, but we can pick up in an email as though we had just had dinner yesterday. Anyway, I dreamt of L. I don’t dream of her very often, but in my dream I was with her, grocery shopping of all places. A giant MOUSE or RAT or something, fell out of the ceiling or lights onto me and in real life, I yelled out and sat straight up in bed, searching through the sheets for this mysterious mouse (which didn’t exist). I had a hard time going back to sleep, and when I woke, L was still on my mind.

An hour or two later I was still thinking about her and so I sent her a message through Facebook. I just said that I had dreamt about her, and was everything ok?? She responded almost immediately and said “CRAZY. We always have this connection.” and she proceeded to tell me about some very painful, very serious issues going on in her personal life right now, which she felt like she couldn’t tell anyone else about. I am so thankful that something told me to contact her, and that I can now reach out my hand to help. I just wish my “feelers” had picked up on this earlier!

I sincerely believe today is just one of those amazing days when the stars are all aligned and the messages are just there for you to pick them up. Here is my thank you to the universe for opening my eyes (and dreams) to them!

Good night, my friends. Thank you SO MUCH for reading!!

 

Open your eyes April 25, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 7:16 pm
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Love is everywhere
Picture found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/flying_to_sky_monica/

*****

When you see the above picture, what do you see?

This morning, as I drove E to school, a bird literally dive-bombed my car! I actually hit my brakes, and we both exclaimed that THAT was a crazy bird!! We were in a residential neighborhood, driving the streets as he finished his Pancake On A Stick. I dropped him off after that and didn’t give it another thought.

Then tonight, after work, I was driving and came across two separate accidents, both in the inside lane of the same street – within a few hundred yards from each other. How long is a football field? However long that is is probably about how far apart the two accidents were. The first was two young teenage girls. One had apparently hit rear-ended the other. The officer sat parked behind them, and one girl was on her cell phone, probably calling her parents. The other accident involved a young man and an older man. The damage to the second accident was a lot more severe than the first, but it didn’t appear anyone was hurt. I tried not to gawk as I drove by, but it’s hard not to when there are two separate accidents.

I continued on my way and got to the next stoplight. I sat behind a maroon Chevy truck, that I only initially noticed because it had a giant dent in the tailgate of it. I was already thinking of accidents, so I especially noticed the damage to this truck. And it had 8154 in the window, in white letters. I sat, in my own little world, and happened to look over a few lanes to another maroon truck. This one had the number 8145 in the window! I looked back and forth between the two trucks, trying to decide if they were the same truck. They were, I finally decided. How odd. The drivers didn’t pay each other any attention and 8145 drove on straight, and 8154 turned left, with me. Strange.

I kept driving on my way and got a few more stoplights and turns away. I sat at the intersection, not really thinking about much of anything when I noticed that every vehicle around me was a shade of red. Slight variances – orangey red, fire engine red, maroonish red, but all red. Ok, so now I’m on high alert. It is just plain weird to have that many strange things happen in one day.

I picked up Little One, and continued on my way home. I got to another intersection and this time all the vehicles in front of me (not behind me, thank goodness) were gray trucks, except for the lane to the left of me, which was empty. And then what rolled up? You guessed it, a silver truck. I sat there, staring at all these silver and gray trucks, of different makes and models, and I couldn’t help but wonder what the angels were trying to say to me. I felt like these trucks were all situated around me, protecting me. But from what? I have no idea, but it leads me to something else…

I cleaned out a bunch of stuff this weekend for a garage sale I have coming up and I found an old journal, from 2001. Here is what it said:

(Wednesday, 5/31/01 10:44 pm)

“… My friend Nancy and I were on our way back to work after running some errands. We stopped at a stoplight, talking. The light turned green, and while I saw it turn green, I just sat there. Nancy said “Hey… go,” to tell me the light was green. I responded “Yeah, I know…” and then paused before stepping on the gas to make my left hand turn. Just then a small black car (maybe green) went whizzing right by us, in the oncoming lane of traffic, but in the same direction I was going. The driver even turned onto the side street leading to the parking garage but kept going. There was a median separating my lane from the oncoming lane. I don’t even know how the driver got there. Nancy and I were just stunned, because had I left the intersection when I normally would have- when the light turned green, that car would have crashed into us. We couldn’t stop talking about it, it was just so strange. I don’t even know why I sat there at the light – I just did. I said to her “We must be lucky mommies today” and I truly think we were. Whoever my guardian angel is was looking out for me. Somehow it just secured for me that, for today anyway, I’m safe. My angel is there and watching. And somehow, I heard him.”

Today felt like that. I don’t know what the warning was, but it was there. It might not have even been for me, but maybe for one of you. To open your eyes, look at everything around you. Our angels talk to us but sometimes, it’s not through words. Sometimes it’s signs – like birds, and strange collections of vehicles, and things that just jump out to you. Other times it’s dreams, or even strangers on the street. But the messages are there. Listen.

Sweet dreams tonight, my friends. Thank you for visiting me today.