hiddenblessing

Finding one small blessing each day.

My glass is never too full March 23, 2014

Filed under: Inspiration,Kindness,Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 12:52 pm
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I had an inspiration the other day.  I want to love everyone.  I don’t know a better way to say that sentence.  Those words aren’t quite right to sum up what my soul is trying to say. 

What I really mean is… for example, I have one sister.  THANK YOU GOD for her.  I cannot imagine travelling this journey without her.  There is no more honest sentence than that.  I was blessed.  No font can contain the gratitude in that one word.  But my Darling Nikki, she didn’t get to be born with a sister.  She wasn’t born with another soul to grow up with – to fight with, and laugh with and to crawl into bed with when she had bad dreams.  I had someone who knew me when I peed my pants playing “cow” in the back yard at age six, who knew me when I had buck teeth and skinned knees, who held my hair when I had the flu and held my hand when I put on my ivory dress to walk down the aisle.  And my Darling Nikki – her parents may have decided they only wanted one child, but I still was lucky enough to get her, too.  I wasn’t born to her – but I am connected to her and responsible for her and she for me. My life is so intimately entwined with hers that even though she grew up with no siblings, she now has one.  And I have her. I love her children and am their aunt.  My son thinks they ARE his cousins.  When her parents get sick, I share that with her.  She’s not an only child anymore; she has a sister to help.  And likewise, I was gifted with HER.  It’s a win-win.  You can’t have too many loves in life.  Really.  Like who ever says “I have too many friends.  I love too many people.”?  No one.  So I want to love everyone I can.  Because in turn, they only make my life more beautiful, more full and truly – at the very, very end of it all – it’s me who was blessed by getting to love all of these wonderful people who crossed my path.

Starting now, starting today, it’s my goal to try to love everyone just a little bit more.  To be kinder than necessary.  To go out of my way at least once every day for one person.  I’ve been given so many blessings and gifts in life; it’s the best way I know how to give it back. 

Love to you today, my friend.

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vegas lights September 4, 2012

Filed under: Inspiration,Signs,Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 7:11 pm
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I have talked at length in various posts about my thoughts on signs.  I truly believe the universe tries to send us little reminders and pointers for steps we need to take, or directions for which we need to go to get ourselves back on our own paths again. And sometimes, if we are particularly dense right then, the universe rolls its collective eyes and busts out a giant Vegas-style flashing sign that says “SERIOUSLY.  I MEANT IT THE FIRST TIME.  TURN HERE.”

That’s what happened to me the other night.  I have been in the midst of this career conundrum.  I am perfectly content where I’m at, and it’s a good job, for a good company.  I deeply miss where I used to be, though, because I felt significantly more valued and important in my previous position at my previous company.  It’s hard to lose that, even when you knew it was the price you were paying to change.  The benefit of moving to the new company was the best ever – I got to be home significantly more with Baby L.  Period.  That was the deciding factor, and I LEAPT at the opportunity.  I don’t regret it, and would choose, repeatedly, the same choice over and over and over again.

And yet.

I miss my old responsibility.  I miss the self-worth it brought, and the confidence I had in my own abilities.  I can feel my skill set fading away like rubbing acetone on a varnished table.  I am simply not challenged anymore, and while I can find things that temporarily allow me to feel alive again, for the majority of the time, I’m just… bored.  It’s like staring at a blank canvas all day – and your only job is to watch it.  You used to have the paints and brushes it took to color it, but you changed galleries and in this new shop, you’re not the artist any longer.  Your job is just to ensure its safety.  It already has a few talented artists, and they aren’t interested in adding any more displays.

So here I sit.  And I contemplate – just SHUT UP ALREADY and enjoy the fact that it’s good and easy and you get to be home with Baby L more.  Or find something new, that might be more challenging and you might be happier at, but will be full-time.  This option, which really isn’t an option at all, makes me feel like a failure.  Or option C, which would be to find a way to keep the current position but somehow either light a fire under it again, or find a way to  spend more time doing what I love.

Back to the Vegas-style signs, the other night I lay in bed, skimming through various WordPress posts, and I suddenly began to notice a theme to a significant number of the posts.  Posts like this:

http://primakarenrambles.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/passion-in-your-career/

http://becomeahuman.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/inspired/

It truly seemed that all the posts were pointing me towards the obvious: do what you love.  Post after post about making choices, taking risks, finding what truly makes you happy.  Do what honors who you are, because there is only one you, and only one lifetime to be you.

It made me smile because sometimes, I think I just need the universe to kick me in the behind and tell me to get moving.  Quit sitting around thinking about it, quit contemplating and what-if’ing and just do.   I can think and ponder and weigh all the pros and cons, but in the end, if I don’t actually do anything, all the thinking and pondering was just a giant waste of time.   I know the answer deep inside myself, and I’ve always known it.  I just have to trust that it won’t let me down, and that, my friends, can be the hardest part of all.

 

Out of the mouths of babes August 1, 2012

Filed under: Family,Parenting,Teenager,Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 2:13 pm
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Last night, B slept with me.  I love that little boy something fierce, and it’s especially fun to cuddle and chat before he goes to sleep.  He likes to talk about all sorts of deep things when it’s bedtime.  Like bullies, or angels, or arguing with friends.  Last night, though, he was super tired and he fell asleep almost immediately.  But true to form, he kicked and tossed and TALKED, loudly, all night long.  He was clearly playing Minecraft, one of the boys’ current Xbox favorites.  At one point, he shouts “HEY!  Who’s THAT?!”  To which, I of course sit up immediately to figure out what he’s yelling about.

“In the watchtower!”  Oh, the watchtower.  I guess since there are no watchtowers in my home, it’s safe to assume he’s dreaming.

He continues on.

“Oh….  Ok….  Did you get them?”  If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he had his headset on and was actually playing online with someone.  But no, he was just dreaming.  He “talked” to his friend Tyler, he mumbled incoherently, he played a little more Xbox… it woke me up continuously, but it was still cute to hear him.

When I woke him up this morning, he said “Mom, I had the best dream!”

Me:  “Did you? Tell me all about it.”

B:  “Well, first I was playing Xbox with Hannah.  And then I got to have a sleepover with Adam.  And then we went to the store and got to buy a (insert something here).”

Me:  “That’s awesome!  I love when I have great dreams like that.  I knew you were playing Xbox, because you talked all night long in your sleep.”

B:  “I did?!”

Me:  “Yes!  You were talking about Tyler, and Minecraft and all kinds of other stuff I couldn’t understand.”

B:  “Did it make you mad?”

Me:  “No, not at all!  I love hearing you talk.”

B:  “Well, that will sure be embarrassing when I’m a teenager.”

Me:  “Talking in your sleep?  Why?”

B:  “You know, like when I have a girlfriend, and I am sleeping with her.”

Um… say what?!

 

A take on the afterlife June 1, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 7:23 pm
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Love ya!
Picture found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ideaablaze/5445777501/

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Hi friends. So sorry it has been so long since I’ve posted. It’s been a crazy weekend. We traveled out of state for a family graduation and everyone came down with food poisoning… uggghhh. May I never experience three people sick to their stomachs in one vehicle ever again. 🙂

So today’s blessing comes from someone unknown. I of course still read Ronan’s mom’s blog, and today she posted a letter she had received from someone. I wish I could post it here, but I sincerely hope you will take the time to go read it. Here is the link: http://rockstarronan.com/2011/06/01/the-signs-and-the-stranger/. (If you click right after the period in the link, it MIGHT work. If not, please copy and paste it into a new browser window).

This stranger writes of a unique thought on the afterlife, but her message has haunted me all day. (For the ease of writing this blog, I’m going to refer to the writer as a she, although it very well could be a he).

Her message is that when we transition over to the other side, it’s not just some random place out there. It’s here, right here, within us. The writer talks about how whenever Maya (Ronan’s mom) has a coincidence, or a meeting with a stranger that resonates, or a song on the radio that strikes her, it’s a message from her boy. I absolutely believe this is a beautiful take on what could be. And why couldn’t it? I talk about signs all the time, and how this moment or that moment was a message from my grandmother. (See my post here: https://hiddenblessing.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/the-gift-of-a-visit/). I know that when I need her, she’s there. I can talk with her, call upon her, listen for her. The best is when she surprises me with a smell, or our song, or a dream.

This stranger’s post genuinely is worthy of introspection. Think about what she is saying. People are never lost to us, not really. It may not be as easy as when they are here, but when there is love, it is never lost. No days, years or miles can change that.

Peace and hugs to you tonight.

 

The Titanic May 16, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 8:28 pm
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I only have a few moments to post tonight, because I am just exhausted. My poor little one was in the hospital last night with croup. CROUP! I didn’t realize that croup could be that serious but apparently it can. Anyway, a night on a cot with nurses coming in and out and a fussy, crying baby makes for very little rest. And I feel like an ancient woman tonight. I laughingly told my husband that my whole body hurts – I have a sharp pain shooting up my back, my ankle hurts and I’m exhausted… pathetic! This is terrible if one night on a cot does this to me. What will I do if we go camping this summer?

But anyway, I really just had to share what E told me today, because it was hilarious. We were talking about the possibility of past lives and I told him that I have one memory (dream? image? memory?), that I’ve had my whole life, where I’m on some sort of ship and it’s really dark and cloudy/misty. In the picture in my head, I seem to know that there are A LOT of people around me. E said “Wow! Were you on a slave ship?” I told him “I don’t know. Maybe it was the Titanic!” He snorted and said “Mom, you can’t have been on the Titanic! It had just sunk a few years before you were born!” HAHAHA!!! Love that kid!

 

Don’t Stop Believing May 11, 2011

Filed under: Signs — hiddenblessing @ 10:24 pm
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Most of you know that my inspiration behind this blog was little Ronan and his amazingly inspiring mom and their fight against neuroblastoma. Ronan lost his fight this week, and although I don’t even know this little guy, my heart broke for Ronan’s mom and their family. She writes beautifully, and she touches her readers… you couldn’t help but be sucked into her story. I hope that someday when she finds the strength again, she’ll publish her story in it’s entirety, but for the moment, she’s still astonishing her readers with her insight and grace as she gets through these days.

Mostly what I wanted to tell you about, though, was that she posted today that she has heard the song “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey repeatedly since little Ronan died earlier this week. She believes that this is a little sign from her boy, to never stop believing in him. And I believe in her. What’s really interesting about all of this is that strangely enough, I too heard the song on my way home from work the night that she posted that he was gone (I hadn’t seen the post yet). I don’t know what made me pay attention to it, but I did, and my thoughts drifted somewhere along the lines of the fact that it was a Journey song and just the other week my Marvelous Nikki was going to sell a Journey t-shirt at our garage sale. Minor, mindless thoughts, but I thought about it enough that I remember it.

So then Ronan’s mom posts about how she’s hearing this song everywhere, and a few of her blog readers have posted the same thing in their comments to her. And then tonight, James on American Idol sings… you guessed it… Don’t Stop Believing. All I could do was smile — little Ronan! — and think about the thousands of people his story has touched (literally). And then think about what I was saying in my last post about all the funny little coincidences, signs and gentle nudgings that the universe sends our way… this week has just been insanely full of them.

So my friends – tonight I want to leave you with this message that I really believe comes from somewhere other than where you and I are today…. don’t stop believing. Don’t stop believing in messages, in signs, in dreams… in hope, in inspiration, in a new start. In the ability to conquer unbeatable odds, in the ability to change the world around you. Don’t stop believing in the power of love and laughter and faith. There is a beautiful day waiting for us tomorrow.

Peace and blessings and love to you tonight. And if you have a little extra room in your prayers tonight, please pray for little Ronan to fly high with the angels and for his family to be at peace. Goodnight!

 

Following the right path May 9, 2011

Filed under: Signs — hiddenblessing @ 7:17 pm
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This Way
Picture found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/potteryandeverythingelse/

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Have you ever noticed how once you hear a new word or learn of a new concept all of a sudden you hear it everywhere? Supposedly it was there all along, you just didn’t notice it. Because you hadn’t noticed it, you effectively cancelled it out or skimmed over it as though it was never there. But really, it was. You were just blind to it.

I don’t really know if I think that that’s true. I think sometimes you find yourself noticing something for a very particular reason. Maybe your angels are “nudging” you to see something, or maybe this something, whatever it is, is an important part of your future. Regardless of which it is, lately it seems like the stars have just aligned and then universe is throwing a giant, blinking “THIS WAY” arrow at me.

I stopped by to wish my mother-in-law a happy Mother’s Day yesterday, and we talked a bit about books. She and I tend to have the same tastes in our non-fiction books, and it’s always so nice to have someone to relate to when I’m interested in a particular subject. She told me about two new books she had read, which were about … bear with me here… cells and how our beliefs and thought processes can physically affect our bodies, by affecting our very cells.

I believe this could be true. I do believe, for certain, that sometimes when someone is dying, they have the ability to hold on – or let go – as they choose to. My great aunt, for example, had asked me to come be with her one March day many years ago. She told me that I was the last one she had to talk to; that she had had a chance to speak to everyone else alone, and I was her last. She told me that she knew she was dying and that she wasn’t afraid. That I shouldn’t cry, that she was at peace with this. She died that night. I think it was a choice; she had made her peace and said her goodbyes… she was ready to transition into her next adventure. And if we humans have the ability to do that, sometimes, why shouldn’t we have the ability to make other changes in our body? To will ourselves to live, to will ourselves healthy… or to bring illness upon ourselves if we believe firmly enough that it is so?

But I digress. What I was amazed about was that today while at lunch, I sat reading my college-level Biology book that I bought in preparation for my upcoming classes… and there, in black and white in MY BOOK was a statement that very closely mirrored that which my mother in law had just presented to me the day before. It was talking about how while it is hard to imagine that animals (including us) at their very smallest are made up of molecules and then cells… even the fact that we have thoughts about them at all is actually just the process of molecules moving from one cell to the next. I can’t help but tie that back to what my mother in law and I talked about yesterday… and what I really think is, is that the fact that we’re discussing it at the same time I’m finding it in my textbooks… just tells me that I really am headed in the right direction. I think that there is a bigger purpose behind everything, and I think that sometimes the coincidences happen as a reminder from the universe that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to.

I also had something else really neat happen today. Last night I dreamt of my friend L, who I have been friends with my entire life. Literally. We lived across the street from each other as toddlers and when we were in elementary school she moved away, but that didn’t change much for us. We haven’t seen each other in ten years and we haven’t actually haven’t contacted each other since last July, but we can pick up in an email as though we had just had dinner yesterday. Anyway, I dreamt of L. I don’t dream of her very often, but in my dream I was with her, grocery shopping of all places. A giant MOUSE or RAT or something, fell out of the ceiling or lights onto me and in real life, I yelled out and sat straight up in bed, searching through the sheets for this mysterious mouse (which didn’t exist). I had a hard time going back to sleep, and when I woke, L was still on my mind.

An hour or two later I was still thinking about her and so I sent her a message through Facebook. I just said that I had dreamt about her, and was everything ok?? She responded almost immediately and said “CRAZY. We always have this connection.” and she proceeded to tell me about some very painful, very serious issues going on in her personal life right now, which she felt like she couldn’t tell anyone else about. I am so thankful that something told me to contact her, and that I can now reach out my hand to help. I just wish my “feelers” had picked up on this earlier!

I sincerely believe today is just one of those amazing days when the stars are all aligned and the messages are just there for you to pick them up. Here is my thank you to the universe for opening my eyes (and dreams) to them!

Good night, my friends. Thank you SO MUCH for reading!!