hiddenblessing

Finding one small blessing each day.

Rockstar Ronan and beauty in the world September 7, 2012

One of the things I’ve talked about since this blog began is Rockstar Ronan, the beautiful little boy who died last year of neuroblastoma.  In fact, his mom’s blog is one of the things that got me onto WordPress in the first place.  I followed his journey daily, and then when he died, I cried along with the hundreds of other followers that have lived his story through his mama’s words.   I still check in on his mama’s blog occasionally, and I follow The Ronan Thompson Foundation on facebook.

This morning, I awoke to the most beautiful posting on facebook.  Tonight there is a special TV telethon airing that is dedicated to raising cancer awareness and funds for cancer research.  It is called Stand Up To Cancer and there are countless celebrities that will be performing during this telethon.  But… a huge lump wells up in my throat as I type this… Taylor Swift has written a new song, just for baby Ronan.  She titled it “Ronan” and she is singing it tonight on the telethon, for the first time ever.  For that sweet baby boy.  For his grieving mama. For his brothers that lost their sibling.  For all the hundreds of thousands of children who fight the disgusting monster in the night known as cancer.  For everyone.

You can find the article about the telethon and Taylor Swift here.

His mom said once that when this was all over, she was going to do something big.  Something HUGE.  Like get Pearl Jam in concert.  I’m summarizing here; it was something about Pearl Jam and I’m not taking the time to go scour the blog to find out specifically what she said.  It’s irrelevant.  The point is, MY GOD, look what she’s done.  Her beautiful baby boy is creating MAD AWARENESS.  His name will forever be known.  His story will forever bring awareness.

Thank you, Taylor Swift, and bless you, for being such an angel.

And Maya, if you’re reading this, Don’t Stop Believing.  

My heart is heavy, and full, with love today.  There is so much good in this world.

 

vegas lights September 4, 2012

Filed under: Inspiration,Signs,Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 7:11 pm
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I have talked at length in various posts about my thoughts on signs.  I truly believe the universe tries to send us little reminders and pointers for steps we need to take, or directions for which we need to go to get ourselves back on our own paths again. And sometimes, if we are particularly dense right then, the universe rolls its collective eyes and busts out a giant Vegas-style flashing sign that says “SERIOUSLY.  I MEANT IT THE FIRST TIME.  TURN HERE.”

That’s what happened to me the other night.  I have been in the midst of this career conundrum.  I am perfectly content where I’m at, and it’s a good job, for a good company.  I deeply miss where I used to be, though, because I felt significantly more valued and important in my previous position at my previous company.  It’s hard to lose that, even when you knew it was the price you were paying to change.  The benefit of moving to the new company was the best ever – I got to be home significantly more with Baby L.  Period.  That was the deciding factor, and I LEAPT at the opportunity.  I don’t regret it, and would choose, repeatedly, the same choice over and over and over again.

And yet.

I miss my old responsibility.  I miss the self-worth it brought, and the confidence I had in my own abilities.  I can feel my skill set fading away like rubbing acetone on a varnished table.  I am simply not challenged anymore, and while I can find things that temporarily allow me to feel alive again, for the majority of the time, I’m just… bored.  It’s like staring at a blank canvas all day – and your only job is to watch it.  You used to have the paints and brushes it took to color it, but you changed galleries and in this new shop, you’re not the artist any longer.  Your job is just to ensure its safety.  It already has a few talented artists, and they aren’t interested in adding any more displays.

So here I sit.  And I contemplate – just SHUT UP ALREADY and enjoy the fact that it’s good and easy and you get to be home with Baby L more.  Or find something new, that might be more challenging and you might be happier at, but will be full-time.  This option, which really isn’t an option at all, makes me feel like a failure.  Or option C, which would be to find a way to keep the current position but somehow either light a fire under it again, or find a way to  spend more time doing what I love.

Back to the Vegas-style signs, the other night I lay in bed, skimming through various WordPress posts, and I suddenly began to notice a theme to a significant number of the posts.  Posts like this:

http://primakarenrambles.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/passion-in-your-career/

http://becomeahuman.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/inspired/

It truly seemed that all the posts were pointing me towards the obvious: do what you love.  Post after post about making choices, taking risks, finding what truly makes you happy.  Do what honors who you are, because there is only one you, and only one lifetime to be you.

It made me smile because sometimes, I think I just need the universe to kick me in the behind and tell me to get moving.  Quit sitting around thinking about it, quit contemplating and what-if’ing and just do.   I can think and ponder and weigh all the pros and cons, but in the end, if I don’t actually do anything, all the thinking and pondering was just a giant waste of time.   I know the answer deep inside myself, and I’ve always known it.  I just have to trust that it won’t let me down, and that, my friends, can be the hardest part of all.

 

When I grow up May 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 9:51 pm
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Inspiring Quote on wall @Starbucks
Image found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/37676753@N08/

******

Do you ever feel like everything around you is just changing? I have been feeling these changes rolling over me like an ocean wave, and slowly but surely everything has been changing. All for the better, but it’s just so fascinating to realize. I think back about what I was thinking about and focused on just a mere few months ago, and it seems like everything has changed.

It started with Braden and Ronan. Braden, the sweet boy I’ve talked about whose race I went to a few weeks ago. And Ronan, whose mom’s blog inspired me to start this very one you are reading right now. Both of these innocent, darling children are fighting cancer right now and Braden is doing well right now. Ronan is not. I cry just reading his mom’s blog. It devastates me, floors me, and breaks my heart. I am disgusted that childhood cancers are not given more attention, more money, more notice. How are these babies dying every FOURTEEN HOURS and we haven’t done more? We can put a man on the moon, we can build entire fake cities to train our militaries, we can have FIFTY MILLION VOTERS on one night of American Idol, but we can only come up with two drugs to treat pediatric cancers in the last twenty years??? What if every single one of those voters donated one dollar to childhood cancer research, for just one night? In a matter of three hours, we would have fifty MILLION DOLLARS.

Ok, enough about that. I’m getting off subject. So these changes with me started with these two boys. I started following their stories, then I started commenting, and then I started this blog. And then I started volunteering, and then I quit smoking. And now I’ve started running. And then finally, I enrolled at a community college to take one class… one class towards my dream someday of being a nurse.

I’ve started researching schools, and realizing that my GPA all those years ago in college – when graduation was the only thing on my mind, not how successfully I got there – may actually prevent me from getting accepted into a university. That saddens me. I am an entirely different woman than I was when I was in college. I have zero doubt that my grades will be astronomically better now than they were then. The reasons for this are many; I understand how expensive it is. I also understand what it means to feel passionate about what I’m doing, and why. And I’m old enough now to actually KNOW what I want to be when I grow up.

I found out today that the students that get accepted into the program I am interested in have a typical GPA of 3.7. This means all A’s in college, with an occasional B thrown in. This means ZERO C’s and most certainly not that D that I got in Sign Language but didn’t bother to retake because I was so mad that I had a D in the first place. I could accept this at face value and move on, but I won’t. It might mean that I can’t get into THAT school, but it doesn’t change a thing. Because I have wanted to be a nurse, overwhelmingly so, for most of my adult life, and this desire strikes me every few years or so. But now I’ve realized the time has come to consider actually doing something about it, no matter how many years it might take me to do it. Because children like Ronan don’t have my whole lifetime to wait for help. So Chemistry 121, here I come. Wish me luck, my friends. I am filled with such HOPE and excitement about this!

Goodnight, friends. I hope that you are listening to your dreams tonight, and tomorrow, you have enough courage to do something about them. GPA’s be damned. I will be an amazing nurse someday.