hiddenblessing

Finding one small blessing each day.

Rainy, quiet, blissful Saturday November 16, 2013

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I want to write before I get too far awake, too far alert, and too far into my day.  Today is pure heaven.  I am sitting at this moment, in my bed, with the blinds open and the gray morning sunshine (or lack thereof) coming into the room.  I have a heating pad at my back, purely for the yummy comfort of it.  I have a cup of steaming pumpkin coffee next to me, and an entire day ahead of me to do anything I want.

Oh, and I just found a groupon for highlights and a hair cut for $45.  Perhaps that’s the reason for my happiness.

Just kidding.

I have found so much beauty in the world in the last two weeks.  I don’t know why.  I have no idea if God is purely putting beautiful things in front of me, or if I just happen to be seeing more of it, but it is just awe-inspiring.  I’m trying to figure out what it means.

It started the other day when I was driving down a two-lane road near my home.  I live in a big city, but I’m on the farthest outskirts of the farthest suburb, so there are still roads that are largely un-commercialized.  They are still tree and brush-lined, and some still have animals (horses, goats) roaming beyond their old wood and wire fences.  I was headed east, early in the morning, and up ahead of me in this particular area I could see the bright sunshine filtering in through the orange-red leaves.  It was one of those golden bright mornings that you’re nearly blinded by the sun.  As the car ahead of me started to drive through, the wind picked up and all of these brilliant orange and yellow leaves began to flutter down through the sky.  But it wasn’t like they were just falling; they were twirling, graceful, dancing, slow-moving, gently dancing leaves.  Like a snow globe, but in a particular section of the street ahead of me.  And then suddenly I was driving through it and the sunlight was sparkling and the thought literally occurred to me that this, this was like moving through angels.

I’m not one normally given to such fanciful thoughts.  But there it was, and it was true.

Then a few days later, I drove all the way to work (40+ minutes) and realized I had forgotten my laptop.  So I had to turn around and drive all the way back home.  This was a ridiculous inconvenience, not to mention causing me to miss an important meeting I had coming up, but you know me – always look on the bright side.  So hey, it means I get to listen to a few more chapters of my current book on CD.  (GILLIAN FLYNN.  If you haven’t discovered her yet, DO.  Mind-blowing girl, she is.  She makes me feel like a worthless writer.  I almost threw in a smiley-face there, but that’s no joke, peeps. She is Uh. Maze. Ing.)

But I digress.  Sorry.  Gillian Flynn’s talent really does do that to me.  Anyway… as I turned down a street somewhat near the first area, I started seeing all these brilliant, diamond-like sparkles off on the side of the road.  It drew my attention and so of course I had to look closer.  What on earth was THAT??? The day before, the weather had unexpectedly dropped from 50-ish to 18 degrees.  Some poor souls apparently still had their sprinkler systems to set to go and two or three homes’ yards were coated in the most amazing display of ice.  As a Midwestern girl, I’ve seen my fair share of ice storms, and they are all beautiful and a huge pain in the behind all at the same time.  You don’t even get to look at them too closely unless you’re safe and warm in your living room, because if it looks like that outside and you ARE outside, your eyes are firmly on the road with your hand on the gearshift, getting ready to shift into neutral. 

These people’s sprinkler systems had apparently sprayed a good 1/2 inch of ice over the trees, grass, landscaping, fencing, EVERYTHING.  And all of it glittered and sparkled in the morning sun.  The contrast between these two or three yards and all the green, orange and yellows of fall all around it was amazing.  I know, I know, I know.  These people, while offering me a beautiful view, had a giant mess on their hands and likely a ridiculously pipe-shattered sprinkler system now, but it was still gorgeous, non-the-less.

 

So now my coffee is nearly gone and I’m awake enough to be sucked into finding a new hairstyle for myself and my groupon, and I found a great crockpot French onion soup so I am signing off. 

I’ve missed you!

 

 

Dear Sugar August 16, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 12:31 pm
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Right now, whatever you are doing, stop.

Go find and read Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed.

I haven’t even made it through the sample of the book and I am already filled with emotion. I have tried not to cry, I have laughed, I have thought endlessly about a few phrases and I have thought YES YES YES! to a few statements.

Truly, this is my blessing that I found today.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon one too, but I didn’t have a chance to write. Baseball practice and back-to-school stuff took over my day. In fact, all of this stuff took over my week. I am so thankful it is Thursday, and I am almost to the weekend.

Yesterday morning, my dear hubby and I had a ferocious argument that stemmed entirely from exhaustion. That’s really what it comes down to. He was mad at me because the Meet-The-Teacher night ended before I could get home from work, and I didn’t have time to run to the sporting goods store for slider pants. I didn’t even know what slider pants are (I do now), let alone running out at night with three kids for them. But he was upset because he doesn’t have time to do these things, and it makes him upset that I needed him to do this. He also is stressed about when and where baseball practice is because, honestly friends, our lives are stupidly complicated and our schedules are impossible. And three nights a week of baseball practice on top of one game a week, plus two other kids and two other sports, means that we are doomed.

He was just exhausted.

And so was I. Because while it’s true that I didn’t get off work in time for Meet-The-Teacher night, I’ve been busy making sure that the clothes, supplies, forms, meds, lunch tickets, registration papers and immunizations are all ready. I’ve figured out when and where the practice is, and it’s me who sat in 95 degree heat with a two year old to watch the practice for an hour and a half. And I’m tired, too. Hearing all the ways that he is feeling I’m not holding up my end of the bargain doesn’t help this, at all.

We should never talk to each other when we are this tired. Or we should talk more, I’m not really sure. But I just know that when I feel like that, all I really want to do is have him hold me hold him and say, slow down. We’re alright. This is just today. Tomorrow will be better.

I walked into the office yesterday feeling worn out and sad. The admin smiled as she always does and I thought… I wish people understood how I’m feeling today. I need someone to be kind today.

And then, I stumbled upon this later in the day. Divine intervention. If you have a minute, check it out. It put my miniscule argument into perspective. And it also reached out a gentle, comforting hand to me – a hand that said “me, too.”

Which really, if you think about it, is all any of us truly want. Someone who says “me, too.”

http://bravegirlsclub.com/archives/2151

Hugs to you today, my friend.

 

A polyphasic sleeper July 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — hiddenblessing @ 2:47 pm
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Sleeping Beauty

Photo above: Sleeping Beauty by Jennie Faber on Flickr.com

Have you ever read The Napping House by Audrey Wood?  I loved that book as a kid.  I loved the story well enough, but what I really loved was the pictures.  The big, silly grandma, the splayed feet, the dog… all of these things reminded me a little bit of my grandma, except I was pretty sure she didn’t sleep at all except quite possibly very late at night and very early in the morning.

I am a napper.  I am more than a little ashamed to admit this.  I suppose there could be worse things to admit, but there is some sort of shame associated with my napping that makes me want to hide my head and run for cover.  Possibly run for another nap, preferably someplace cool, with a big pillow and a long enough blanket to cover both my ears and my toes at the same time.

I remember when E was getting old enough to not really need a nap anymore, and I would sort of fight this.   Then I finally just gave up and let him stay up with his daddy, as long as I still got a nap.  Then B came along, and phew!  Now I’m safe again; another baby that needs a nap!

There were times along the way that this very real fear would strike me and I would think about all of the time I am wasting taking a nap.  I could be at the pool with the boys, I could be coloring with baby L, baking a cake with B.  But instead, here I am sleeping.  I also went through a phase where I didn’t take a nap, because after all, I work and don’t sleep at work… so obviously I am capable of making it through the day without a nap.  Inevitably, however, I came back to it.

I think I have finally just accepted this about myself.  That I am A NAPPER.  I am not proud of it.  I don’t think taking a nap for an hour or two every day is a qualifier I would list in the standards of A Good Mommy.  But it’s me, and it’s who I am.  It makes me really, really happy, and makes me a little more sane.  I also wake up from my nap feeling like it’s Day Two – a new start to my day.  Maybe when I grow old, I’ll feel like I got to live twice as long as everyone else because I got so many “extra” days in there.

Doubtful.  I sincerely hope I don’t cry because all of those hours could have added up to a few more DAYS with my little ones.  I hope I can just accept, and be, and my children will forgive me for my naps.  I hope they come visit me and we can chat over Moon Pie and lemonade and they will tell me all the naughty things that they did when I was sleeping.

After I wake up from my nap, that is.

 

Following the right path May 9, 2011

Filed under: Signs — hiddenblessing @ 7:17 pm
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This Way
Picture found at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/potteryandeverythingelse/

******

Have you ever noticed how once you hear a new word or learn of a new concept all of a sudden you hear it everywhere? Supposedly it was there all along, you just didn’t notice it. Because you hadn’t noticed it, you effectively cancelled it out or skimmed over it as though it was never there. But really, it was. You were just blind to it.

I don’t really know if I think that that’s true. I think sometimes you find yourself noticing something for a very particular reason. Maybe your angels are “nudging” you to see something, or maybe this something, whatever it is, is an important part of your future. Regardless of which it is, lately it seems like the stars have just aligned and then universe is throwing a giant, blinking “THIS WAY” arrow at me.

I stopped by to wish my mother-in-law a happy Mother’s Day yesterday, and we talked a bit about books. She and I tend to have the same tastes in our non-fiction books, and it’s always so nice to have someone to relate to when I’m interested in a particular subject. She told me about two new books she had read, which were about … bear with me here… cells and how our beliefs and thought processes can physically affect our bodies, by affecting our very cells.

I believe this could be true. I do believe, for certain, that sometimes when someone is dying, they have the ability to hold on – or let go – as they choose to. My great aunt, for example, had asked me to come be with her one March day many years ago. She told me that I was the last one she had to talk to; that she had had a chance to speak to everyone else alone, and I was her last. She told me that she knew she was dying and that she wasn’t afraid. That I shouldn’t cry, that she was at peace with this. She died that night. I think it was a choice; she had made her peace and said her goodbyes… she was ready to transition into her next adventure. And if we humans have the ability to do that, sometimes, why shouldn’t we have the ability to make other changes in our body? To will ourselves to live, to will ourselves healthy… or to bring illness upon ourselves if we believe firmly enough that it is so?

But I digress. What I was amazed about was that today while at lunch, I sat reading my college-level Biology book that I bought in preparation for my upcoming classes… and there, in black and white in MY BOOK was a statement that very closely mirrored that which my mother in law had just presented to me the day before. It was talking about how while it is hard to imagine that animals (including us) at their very smallest are made up of molecules and then cells… even the fact that we have thoughts about them at all is actually just the process of molecules moving from one cell to the next. I can’t help but tie that back to what my mother in law and I talked about yesterday… and what I really think is, is that the fact that we’re discussing it at the same time I’m finding it in my textbooks… just tells me that I really am headed in the right direction. I think that there is a bigger purpose behind everything, and I think that sometimes the coincidences happen as a reminder from the universe that you’re doing exactly what you’re supposed to.

I also had something else really neat happen today. Last night I dreamt of my friend L, who I have been friends with my entire life. Literally. We lived across the street from each other as toddlers and when we were in elementary school she moved away, but that didn’t change much for us. We haven’t seen each other in ten years and we haven’t actually haven’t contacted each other since last July, but we can pick up in an email as though we had just had dinner yesterday. Anyway, I dreamt of L. I don’t dream of her very often, but in my dream I was with her, grocery shopping of all places. A giant MOUSE or RAT or something, fell out of the ceiling or lights onto me and in real life, I yelled out and sat straight up in bed, searching through the sheets for this mysterious mouse (which didn’t exist). I had a hard time going back to sleep, and when I woke, L was still on my mind.

An hour or two later I was still thinking about her and so I sent her a message through Facebook. I just said that I had dreamt about her, and was everything ok?? She responded almost immediately and said “CRAZY. We always have this connection.” and she proceeded to tell me about some very painful, very serious issues going on in her personal life right now, which she felt like she couldn’t tell anyone else about. I am so thankful that something told me to contact her, and that I can now reach out my hand to help. I just wish my “feelers” had picked up on this earlier!

I sincerely believe today is just one of those amazing days when the stars are all aligned and the messages are just there for you to pick them up. Here is my thank you to the universe for opening my eyes (and dreams) to them!

Good night, my friends. Thank you SO MUCH for reading!!