Today is a strange day. The word CANCER has been popping up all day. That is always frightening to me, because I always wonder why. My life is filled with too many coincidences and how-strange-I-was-just-thinking-of-you (or that) moments to not be worried when it seems like I’m finding this word everywhere I turn. And of course, although I try to fight and spread awareness and donate to finding cures for childhood cancers, I cower from the mere thought of it. Of any cancer, hurting my loved ones or myself. So when it’s repeatedly throwing itself in my path today, I have to stop and take notice.
It started when I checked Facebook this morning. A wonderfully talented girl that I knew once upon a time lost her father to cancer this week. She is a blogger, and she usually writes poetry about her experiences in coming to grips with the fact that her child has Fragile X syndrome. This week, however, her focus is of course changed and she’s talking about her father and her loss of him. She wrote this wonderful essay on her father’s lack of anger at the cancer that was slowly eroding his body. She says that he said “Why?” when asked if he was mad about it. Because why would he be, with this beautiful life he’d had, this wonderful family, these great experiences?
Please check her out, it’s worth it, I promise. The posting I talk about above was “Are You Angry”, but this… this is beautiful…
When I went to find the site address for you, her poem brought tears to my eyes, so I decided to share it instead of the link I was originally going to. So circling back to her father’s lack of anger, his belief that he had had it all…
My husband and I have talked about this a few times recently. I’ve personally felt this way for a long time, but to hear him say it to me was immeasurably good for my soul. We have it all. Honestly, we do. We are healthy, we have food on our table, we have three healthy, happy children, and we LOVE and ARE LOVED. Is there anything else that we could possibly need? No. Would it be nice to have a vehicle made in the last ten years and new carpet and enough money to buy pretty clothes and all the shoes in the world? Sure. But would I choose that over what I have? Never in a million years. If I DID have lots of money, what I’d really want to do is give some of it away to fight things like the ugly “c” word we are discussing here today.
And of course… if I died tomorrow, I would be sad. I would be sad because I don’t want to miss out on all that is ahead of me. But all that I’ve had?? That is enough. It is enough.
And then, I happen to stumble upon a news article about a girl, who is 13, just barely older than my E, who is fighting neuroblastoma and now discovers she has preleukemia cells as well. This girl has a video blog about fighting her cancer and how to be beautiful without her wig. She has mad skills with makeup (eyeliner, sweetheart, teach me how to put on eyeliner like you!) and a peaceful, poised outlook on life. In her videoblog, she is trying to comfort YOU, the watcher. Darling girl, if only there were more people like you. What a beautiful place this would be.
Please say a prayer for this wonderful child. One of the comments someone wrote on her blog was “the world is a better place for having had you in it” and I wholeheartedly agree. Her parents must be so proud to call her theirs.